Toads vs. Princes
With over one thousand species of frogs found in the rainforest, my all-time favorite is the Red-Eye Tree Frog, which is considered one of the planet’s most beautiful amphibians. Its beauty is iconic as seen on posters, billboards, and calendars across the globe, but its exotic feature does serve a purpose—survival. When resting, the Red-Eye Tree Frog keeps its eyes closed until threatened by a predator. Then it will suddenly open its large, bright-red eyes for a second or two, startling whatever is posing as a threat —enough time to take off and escape into safety.
Like frogs and trees are a part of a tropical backdrop, I’d like to use “Kissing Toads” as my symbol to describe what girls go through in their romantic pursuit of finding Prince Charming. There is a saying that goes, “You must kiss a lot of frogs to meet your prince.” But I would like to shout as loudly as I can, “This does not have to be the case!” In fairy tale stories, toad-kissing can turn into the discovery of a prince. In the real world, your toad-kissing just winds up being toad kissing! Usually, you just have to live with the fact that you kissed a nasty amphibian. This is exactly what I had to face as I was squashed up against that rusty building. Wouldn’t it have been awesome if I had a set of those bright-red eyes like my fave tree frog and could’ve popped those babies open as that guy went in to steal my first kiss? He would have FREAKED OUT and probably ran for the hills!
But far from the fairytale I had always imagined of kissing a dreamy prince on a starry night, it felt more like I had kissed a slimy toad…that did not turn into a prince. There’s a quote from the movie The Princess Diaries: “You know, in the old movies whenever a girl would get seriously kissed, her foot would just kind of pop.” 1 This definitely did not happen for me.
I don’t know where you are in the “First Kiss” arena, whether you’ve had none, or one, or many. But I don’t believe it is God’s best that we go about kissing toads, hoping they will turn into princes, when in fact, they are simply toads. Now hear me out, friends: I’m not saying boys are bad or gross or never to be trusted.
God made them to be valiant, strong, and honorable young men. It’s just that some of them haven’t learned how to properly treat God’s girls, and we need to be able to recognize the character of a boy before we go around kissing them, and ultimately binding our hearts to them. We need to love and value ourselves as God loves and values us so that we can recognize when a boy (who also loves and values God) is ready to be our Prince.
I also realize I’m pushing against social norms. I see the social media, the YouTube and the Snapchats. In today’s culture, we go about kissing like it’s no big deal. It’s a throw-away, almost a race to get it checked off our list so we can move from the “never been kissed” crowd to the more experienced “definitely been kissed” girls. But if we would just be brutally honest for a second, all of us girls wish we could have a magical first kiss with a handsome prince, not a slimy toad. How do I know this? Check out almost every popular rom-com or fairy tale. How does it end? The guy is sweeping the girl off her feet with a passionate lip-lock.
When I was fifteen, I caved into these social norms. My friends had insisted it was time I had a boyfriend, and I reluctantly agreed to go on that date with a guy whose name I can’t even remember. In my brain, I convinced myself of the need to connect with someone in a romantic way; after all culture demanded it. I did not want to be put into the “prude” category by my friends so I gave away my very “first kiss.” Oh, what I wouldn’t do to go back in time, and advise my fifteen-year-old self what to do: to stand up against peer pressure. But I can’t go back to my past, nor live in regret; I can only learn from my mistakes. And I can go much further than that. I can knock on the door of your heart and ask you to let me in, because I have so much to tell you. Once I have your trust, I promise I won’t hold anything back. I will be completely transparent with you. As I pour out my heart, my goal is for you to see your worth in Christ as I found mine. And you don’t have to give away your first kiss as young as I did, much less give it away to the wrong guy. There’s no time limit on when you must give away your kiss. You are timeless. You are more than just hugs and kisses.
Giving away a kiss may seem like no big deal, but it’s the start of giving away pieces of your heart. You don’t have to be someone else’s object of affection just to meet THEIR physical cravings. Don’t allow anyone to use you to meet their personal needs. I know you desire to fall in love with that someone special, and not to be partnered up with a toad.
And here’s a beautiful promise: A prince is exactly what God has intended for you! He has fashioned a wonderful “happily ever after” that is within your reach…but only when you embrace God’s way (not our culture’s way) for dating and giving kisses. I want to teach you how, and you will discover many ways in the following chapters. My desire is to prepare you before you enter the world of “Toads vs. Princes.” If you are already in that realm, I want to help mentor you through the journey. I’m going to shed light on the roots of dating, how it came about, and why girls and guys date. Also, you will learn the importance of creating a strategic plan that can help you set healthy physical and emotional boundaries before you tackle dating.
In addition, I will dedicate an entire chapter on how I met my prince charming, and give you an update on my present happily ever after. You can read this book, as a devotional, in your personal quiet time with God as, or in a small group Bible Study with your girlfriends. You will be able to apply what you’ve learned as I’ll be leaving you with some useful application at the end of each chapter.
First, I’ll have some questions to help you evaluate where you are in regard to what each chapter just talked about. These questions are a great way to reflect, if you answer them honestly. Being honest with yourself is always the best policy. These questions can also be used to help small group discussions keep theconversation going.
My Confession sections at the end of each chapter are life-giving statements for you to confess out loud, either to yourself, or to be read out loud in a group setting. I’ve learned over time there is so much power in speaking words of life over yourself; it does wonders for your faith and spiritual growth. Creating a habit of confessing the word of God over yourself is one of the most powerful things you can do. Don’t just rely on someone else to give you positive affirmation…speak over your own life!
Lastly, I’ll end each chapter with a solid prayer. Did you know God hears all your prayers, every single one? There are some prayers I have prayed and then totally forgot about them. Some prayers in my life didn’t come to pass until years later. It always amazes me how God is very interested in hearing my prayers, and how He takes notice of them. Over the years of walking with God, I’ve journaled hundreds of prayers that have been answered for me. Some people speak English, some speak Portuguese, but as Christians we must all speak in Prayer. Pray without ceasing.
Girlfriend, I believe in you. The life your Creator has for you is big and spacious as you become the woman you are meant to be. You will live your life knowing who you are and how priceless your worth is in Christ Jesus. You will be able look in the mirror and see how much you look like your “Abba Daddy.” After all, you are made in His image and likeness. You don’t have to settle for mediocre, for average, or for the patterns and the ways the world is unapologetically forcing on you. You can resist and push back.
My desire for you is that you will make a commitment, a pledge before God that draws a line in the sand to be pure and live set apart. That purity will become your daily wardrobe. Join the sisterhood of godly girls whose eyes are fixed on Jesus and who are on a mission to accomplish great things. You can do this!
Together we can do this! Let’s begin the journey.